She changed love for him. She changed it and she made it seem... plausible.

And now he has probably fucked it all up. He knew that he would eventually. Down deep.

Still...

She is pretending to sleep, as he sits at the foot of her bed in his boxer briefs. He balls and unballs his greyish socks. They kind of look green to him in this lighting.

Fight or flight.

Her breathing is too fast for anyone actually sleeping. But, he in no way wants her to give up the charade. At all.

He remembers the first time he saw her. The way that her dark hair fell over her eye a little -- and seemed to annoy her a lot -- as she hovered around making sure that all of her guests were well fed.

Above and beyond the call of duty, but cute.

Very cute.

He remembers how he almost had to fight with her, to help pick up the pieces of the glass that she broke while rushing around.

He remembers how thankful she seemed that he had helped her despite her knee-jerk jerky refusals. The "thank you" coming out as a sigh, while her clenched, determined jaw waged a facial civil war against her bright, warm eyes.

He remembers arguing about whether Pearl Jam's 10 or Vs. is superior. You couldn't have removed his smile with a wire brush, while she sang much of "Go" to him.

He remembers the black dress.

He still wonders why he didn't ask her out that night. Seeing her out on a date with a guy the next week didn't help. It gave him a feeling that he'd later describe, to extremely unsympathetic ears in his weekly poker game, as "like tinfoil on fillings" in his brain.

But, once he got her, he vowed never to let her go.

And for six months, he hasn't.

Finally he has a fuck it moment. If this is "love" then he should fight for it, right? Right.

He turns to her and gently jostles her foot. Her eyes open slowly... cautiously...

He takes a deep breath.

"I've had enough of this. I... I can't take this silence anymore. I pooped in your bathroom and we should discuss it."

Labels: Yes I am allowed to post while retired because you are not the boss of me and I can post whenever I want and also I am wondering about the reusability of this label

I'm still blogretired. But, I may occasionally stick little stories/links/videos here in this post. Such as:

"Uncle Pete steals kisses."

Or

"Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Hmmm. Nope. One more... MWAAAAAH!"




I guest blogged over in Jamelah-ville today. I can't believe these people keep asking me to do this. Gluttons for punishment, I say.


You should ALL be reading this. Like, right now!


So, when I announced my (temporary?) retirement, Mindy immediately asked me to take part in one of her point-counterpoint posts. I said, "Sure... counter-counter top, whatever. Count me in." And then assumed it would never come up again. As I've learned, this, much like herpes, can't just be ignored. All that being said, here is my little guest post dealie. It is half-assed and poorly written, but Mindy calls me "jerkface" all the time, so it's cool.


Today (March 16th) is Lauren Graham's birthday! I love Lauren Graham.


The Monkey: "I am never getting old. I am going to be beautiful all my life. I was born beautiful, I am beautiful now and I am going to stay that way. (Looks at me.) You wouldn't know how that feels."

So, I've decided to take a little break from this crazy business that we call blogging. Or what the French call... blogging.

I'm not sure for how long.

I want to take some time to find myself. (This is TOTALLY not a euphemism for masturbation.)

And I want to do more real writing. (This TOTALLY is.)

I may show up over at Indie Bloggers from time to time, if Stacy will have me.

Otherwise...

Smell you later.

EW.com did a thing where readers wrote in to tell which TV characters that they would date.

But, who cares what a bunch of random internet dorks think, right? Let's look at what one very specific internet dork thinks...

This is my scientific* ranking of the TV characters that I would date:

1) Lorelei Gilmore (Lauren Graham) "Gilmore girls"

2) Charlotte "Chuck" Charles (Anna Friel) "Pushing Daisies"

3) Serena van der Woodsen (Blake Lively) "Gossip Girl"

4) Pam Beesley (Jenna Fischer) "The Office"

5) Summer Roberts (Rachel Bilson) "The O.C."

6) Veronica Mars (Kristen Bell) "Veronica Mars"

And...

3457263) Liz Lemon (Tina Fey) "30 Rock"

She would fall somewhere between Jack from "Lost" and Tim Riggins from "Friday Night Lights."


*"scientific" being, of course, used quite loosely. Kind of like how I use the phrase "I'm listening." Or "Let me worry about the birth control."

The light swirled around her, as if afraid to land.
Feeling simultaneously honoured and unworthy.
I feel the same.
Felt.
Practiced unawareness.
(Em)powered by eyes on her.
Protested indifference.
Yes... you.
In the angelic orchestra of her voice,
only I can hear that one sharp note.
Cutting.
Pushing me closer and closer to freedom.
A sneer in smile's clothing.
I've seen behind the green curtains
of the windows to her soul.
It's... almost unappealing enough.

Labels: blech, half-assed, word doodles

People sometimes seem amused by how much I've gotten into Barrack Obama's campaign. You know, being charming and Canadian. Charming probably doesn't factor in, I just like to remind all y'all.

A big reason, other than his rampant HAWESOMENESS*, is because the leader of my party in Canada is such a goof.

(*The extra "H" shows that I mean businessx.)

(The extra "X" shows that I have giant fingers.)

English is not his first language. (That could not be more of an understatement.) So, initially I tried to cut the dude some slack. I figured that his English would improve. But, as it turns out, he's just not very politically savvy... or bright. And those are sorta helpful in a politician, no?

The Liberal Party of Canada -- and perhaps the other parties too, who the hell follows what they do? -- chooses a leader at a National convention. Essentially ridings around the country send delegates. From what I can gather, they are chosen in a pretty half-assed manner. And, really, the whole thing doesn't seem very democratic.

Anything can happen in a one-off convention. Folks start maneuvering to align themselves with power players between ballots. People get caught up in the mob mentality. Things that would normally be seen as very important, inexplicably get glossed over.

"He fucks goats? (Beat.) Attractive goats?"

And when the dust settles, we get stuck with Stephane Dion. And you thought Celine was the worst that surname had to offer? Nope.



And I mocked the convoluted system of primaries and caucuses in the U.S.. I've learned my lesson.

I watched the convention on TV, and of all the candidates that ran, there were at least three more appealing than Dion. Possibly four. Five if you count the guy running the boom mic.

And I do.

The most annoying part is that the dude can force a federal election any time he wants. Which he will inevitably lose -- probably badly -- and then we can replace him ASAP. Hmmm... maybe he is a little savvy.

Our Prime Minister sucks. He'd be just like Bush, you know, if we let our politicians run unchecked, while they spit in the face of rights and freedoms, and made our country look evil on the world stage.

It's possible that he'd be even worse.

So, essentially, we have a horrific Prime Minister, and the man we have chosen to try to defeat him is inept at best.

*golf clap*

If it wasn't for Obama, I'd be sitting alone at night, watching DVDs of "The West Wing" and sobbing.

As it stands, I am merely watching one episode a night and sniffling a little.

Labels: yes we can

Where: My bed

When: 4:41 am

What: Slowly (half) wake up. Realize that I am not actually at some convention in a hotel with Amy Adams. Think, "A dream is a wish your penis makes." Chuckle. Turn TV on, find episode of Seinfeld. Go back to sleep.