Sometimes people think that, because I blog about The ACN and The Monkey, I just love all kids.

Not so.

I actually think some kids are little assholes. True story.

I do adore my two little twerps, of course. And I like other little goofs that I am related to. I like kids that are very nice. You know, the ones that are kind and do good things for others. And I also like kids that... well, need someone to like them.

I am not wigged out by the possibility of having kids someday. And so many of my friends and family have kids, that I am pretty used to that concept as well.

Some stories freak me out a little though. A while back I was talking to a girl I dated when I was 18/19(20?) and she has three kids now. She was telling me how her daughter had broken her collarbone when she fell while DRIVING HER BIKE DOWN THE STAIRS IN THEIR HOUSE.

Hmm.

I can't even imagine that.

Granted, my own kids would more likely be all, "Yeah, howsabout I play a video game involving that, or write you a story about driving a bike down some stairs, motherfucker."

I expect my kids to swear a lot.

I'd be quick to tell you that having little versions of me running around would be GLORIOUS.

That's how I'd say it too, "GLORIOUS!"

I'm a little nuts.

But, little versions of me running... well, lazily strolling around is a bit scary. I was kind of a bastard as a child.

You're shocked. Admit it.

My sister will back me up on this. I would occasionally (by that, I mean frequently) do things just to be a little shit. I could easily take a full day and use it to torture my sister constantly. And I would consider it time well spent.

Not that she was entirely innocent. She ruined every single game of Monopoly that we ever tried to play. AND she assaulted my baseball bat.

Still, I'd be curious to see what a little version of me would be like.

Probably a wide-eyed tyke, exploring the world, taking in his surroundings...

While rocking a tiny baseball cap and stubble.