I just read a blog post by the moderately lovely and occasionally charming sidewaysrain.

I love her poems.

So, I decided, "Hey! I'm going to write a word doodle!"

And then I thought, "Exclamation points? Really? You are THAT excited?"

Which was followed by, "Don't be cranky with me, homey."

And then by, "Go Colts!"

So, I went to re-read her poem and... decided that I didn't really want to follow that.

However, I was already in blog posting mode. So, I needed something. I went to my draft folder to see if I had any ideas there. Nope. I checked my brain.

"Go Colts!"

Nothing there either.

The Colts did win yesterday. (Yay!)

But, so did the Patriots. (Booooo! Yes, Susie, I know...)

On Saturday afternoon I decided that I was going to hit my couch and watch some college basketball. Duke vs. Michigan. I'm a UCONN fan, but college hoops is college hoops. However, I thought the game was starting an hour and a half earlier than it actually was.

I had 90 minutes to go do something constructive before tip off. However, I was already ever so comfy on my couch. I think you can see the dilemma I was in. "I should totally get up and *yaaaaawn* do something productive. Or I could just reeeecline a little bit more..."

I checked out my PVR, but had nothing that I felt like watching. (Thank you, writers strike. Grrrrrr.)

I flipped through the channel guide and on MTV Canada found a marathon of "The Real World: Sydney."

I haven't watched a season of The Real World since... Chicago, I think. (I looooved Keri.) Mostly because I'm a grown man. But, also because it has become horribly repetitive and they cast the most annoying morons ever. Seriously. (You always need one house guest that people don't want to punch in the face. They are the voice of reason and, by comparison, make the evil ones seem even eviler. This is not rocket science, MTV!)

Still, there was nothing on at all.

So, I flipped the channel and quickly found out that the marathon was in "Coral-Vision."

Over the years I have seen a few episodes of those challenge shows where they stick Real World and Road Rules people in some locale and make them compete, and hook-up, and get drunk and destroy something. So, I've seen Coral before. She scared me a little. And not in a fun way.

I was pretty iffy on this whole "Coral-Vision" concept.

And I was SO wrong.

She is a genius.

GENIUS.

Over the next THREE HOURS I laughed out loud a number of times. And I am not a big laugher out louder. I am more of a smirker and light chuckler.

She was gold.

The best stuff was at the expense of Shauvon (the big-boobeded blonde) and the disembodied voice of her sackless boyfriend/ex-fiance David.

I couldn't even begin to explain this dude. He is beyond fucked. Ike Turner would say, "You know, this sumbitch is pretty damn controlling."

Every time Shauvon did anything, he threatened to break up with her... even though they weren't really together any more. Except she wore an engagement ring. But, jumped into bed with some sketchy dude.

David even cried at one point.

CRIED.

On (inter)national TV.

Over her.

Cried.

They should have been filming the disgusted look on my face and the slow head shake.

She didn't just give birth to your baby. Or, you know, hand you the Stanley Cup.

Dude... Come on.

At one point, Shauvon and the sissy got into some fight. It probably went something like this:

"Shuavon... let me speak. You're being affected by the earth's gravitational forces?!?!? I thought you loved me!! We're through!! *click*"

So, Shauvon put on her big sunglasses and went to write him an e-mail. As she finished, Coral and her friend "Evan" popped onscreen and were mocking the e-mail. I may be paraphrasing here, but it went like this:

Coral: She's just sending it. No spellcheck or nothin'.

Evan: She needs spellcheck.

Coral: She needs LifeCheck.

I cracked up.

And there were so many little moments of Coralisiciousness.

My favourite was when David was on the phone saying, "Shauvon, I have a question... I have a question... I have a question..."

Coral's head popped up on the bottom of the screen, "Well, ask it, motherfucker. Ask it."

I laughed SO much.

Wow. So, what have we learned here?

Clearly I had nothing to write about today. (Ehhhh. It's Monday morning.)

And, except if they are playing the Colts, I don't ever want to watch the evil Patriots play again.

Unless it is in Coral-Vision.

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Apropos of nothing:

Labels: controlling freak boyfriends on reality shows that have been around for too long, Patriots suck, TV