This is a real conversation that I had recently:

Oven timer: Beep beep beep!

Peter: I hear you.

Oven timer: Beep beep beep!

Peter: Yeah, one second.

Oven timer: Beep beep beep!

Peter: Shut the fuck up.

Oven timer: Beep beep beep!

Peter: I am so trading your ass for a sun dial.

*Please note that while Peter is not a professional meteorologist, he feels that he can say, without fear of exaggeration, that it is 9 million degrees in Peteville. Peter no function well heat with. Peter almost spelled it "fuction." Peter will probably not blog anymore until the temperatures get back to a reasonable level.

**Peter, however, doesn't want you to take this lack of blogging as the absence of love. Peter loves you all. Peter even loves those of you that he hates. Because Peter loves to hate. Yet, he hates to love. Hmm.

***Peter would like to remind you that any comments made by Hot Peter are not necessarily those of Normal Temperature Peter, PeterDeWolf.com or the Hearst Corporation.

**** The Hearst Corporation would like to remind you that they have absolutely no affiliation with Peter... though they also hate the oppressive fucking heat.