Yeah, it's true. I am getting ready to order a new PC.

No, I'm not "replacing" you, per se.

I am sure it does feel that way, but things just aren't working anymore.

I put a lot of time and effort into our relationship. I have upgraded every part the was possible over the years.

Don't compare yourself to the new PC. Don't do that.

It's apples and oranges.

It's a saying. Apples and --

No, I'm not getting a Mac.

At least I didn't use you to shop for her online...

Can't you focus on the good times? We've written screenplays, a kids book, and all kinds of other horseshit together. And you've stored and edited my favourite photos ever.

The relationships between men and machines often don't last forever. Heck, you've seen Stephen King's "Maximum Overdrive!"

No, it was Emilio Estevez.

Yes, I'm sure.

We are getting off topic. I just want to thank you for all your years of loyal service. You have helped me accomplish things and meet cool people. I'll always appreciate you for that.

Come on. Can't we just take the high road on this?

Fine! I want my most recent draft of the paintball screenplay and the Dido CD back.

I am holding it for a friend.

Yes I am.

Don't you judge me.

It really doesn't have to be this way.

Wow... You write to your mother with that font??